The high finance of parenting requires patience and inspiration more than money.

Young people are selfish. That’s a fact of life. Raging hormones, peer pressure, and identity issues are all hot ingredients in the cauldron we call teenage life, and dealing with these are not easy for them either.

It took me quite awhile as a parent to accept this without my irritability antennae going up. I used to be so frustrated as I watched my only baby girl transform from this sweet and delightful angel into a distant, pouting, mp3 devourer. But as soon as I found the inner resolve to see and feel about things as she did, I mellowed and learned to shut up and listen.

Result: she learned to communicate with more patience with her aging mom. We stopped talking to each other and had many, delightful two-way conversations. We talk about everything and anything, including sex, boys, body odor and David Archuleta vs David Cook. It was possible, after all, to drown the parental panic by repeating this in my head: “being self-absorbed is just a phase!”

Occasionally, I would insert a couple or more pointers about personal finance.  I admit, investing and saving money wisely are principles that don’t get into her mindstream as easily as “how to be cool when your crush is around.” But I can see that little by little, the messages are hitting home run.

Here are some things that worked for me:

1. Repetition. In the beginning, I had to accept that finance is farthest from her mind and that I will have to repeat concepts like interest and inflation. Just accept that and quell the frustration, I told myself. Explaining in simple terms is also important, and I use analogies as mush as I can. But don’t forget that while the youth financial vocabulary may be limited, they are not dumb, so no talking down to them.
2. Teaching is not the same as coaching. To me, it’s coaching that they need. Make teaching moments experiential and encouraging. Bring them to the grocery and show them how to compare apples with apples, not literally speaking of course! Make it fun; have a contest! Let them appreciate the wet market and don’t get discouraged by the complaints. Just pretend you’re deaf and smile!
3. Enable them to save and spend wisely. Give allowances as barya (change) and show them—not tell them—how to set aside at least 10% per day for their savings and another 10% for tithes before they go to school. Go with them to the bank to set up their account and make a big deal out of it! You can let your teenager meet the manager for an experience she will never forget.
4. Follow up regularly. They will do it when you know you will follow up and ask them how they are doing with their goals. It’s never too early for kids to learn the joy of goal setting—but don’t push too hard!
5. Set up financial accounts with them. Start with a bank account, then a time deposit, a mutual fund or unit investment trust fund, an RTB and then an online stock market account, in that order. Don’t be afraid if they lose money from time to time in their financial placements. That’s life—even for adults!

The youth will be a crucial part of financial literacy work because of their sheer numbers. Look at these figures from the World Bank:

Young people are not only the future, they are also the now. In 2007, the number of people worldwide aged 12-24 reached 1.3 billion, the largest in history. Nearly half the people of the world today are under 25 years old. Nine out of ten of these young people live in developing countries. More importantly, the majority of the developing world’s poor are children and youth.

So let’s prepare them for the future. Would love to hear how you were taught by your parents or how you are teaching your children now!

The more than decade-old watch!

I hate forwarded email, but I got this “maldita moments” email that had me laughing out loud. One entry went:

I once told an officemate who kept on bragging about her new shoes, ” Sale, right?”

Too funny, I thought, but it also made me realize one thing. There’s a lot of stigma associated with being frugal, going for “sale” items, buying in often literally wet wet markets instead of the grocery, using up the ketchup up to the last drop…

Does being wasteful mean the social ladder looks so much shorter from where I stand, I wonder? Were there times when I felt luxurious—and hence good about myself—because I could afford to throw away a pair of shoes that’s still perfectly okay except for some frayed edges? Was I ever embarrassed about wearing clean and decent clothes but a bit dated in style?

Honestly, yes, I can recall feeling those things. But I have since graduated from the dark side of consumerism. And it feels good.

Here’s the realization that showed me how to be frugal and proud. The stuff that we buy, whether these are electronics, appliances, clothes or whatever they are, are ours because we paid for them, true. But ultimately, they are made out of nature’s abundance and are therefore things that we will eventually be held accountable for.

Do you believe in the hereafter? I do. I know that time will come. I know that I will be asked to account for the things I have wasted. And I know that I can use less to live more fully.

So, guess what? I don’t mind smiling while using things until they drop! Sure, I still love to shop for new stuff, but if anything can temper wanton wastefulness, I betcha this is it. Try it and don’t forget to let me know how it goes!

A personal finance expert I was interviewing once challenged me: “Can you go to the mall with only P500 in your wallet?”

Made me think hard. What if I see something needed at home? I am a mommy after all. The household will stand still without my efficient shopping skills. Or so I think.

What if there’s a sale? What if I get hungry? What if I don’t have time tomorrow? What if, what if?

What if these are only justifications for what all women love to do–splurge!

Truth is, I am a spending addict. That’s a weakness I share with my husband. (Hala!) And yes, I constantly have to repeat the following mantra to help me control the urge to splurge when the usual inner debate on “want vs need” no longer works:

1. There will still be a sale tomorrow! – And the next day, and the day after that. China will forever be supplying the world with products that are cheaper than they were yesterday. Divisoria today will be more expensive than Trinoma 10 days from now. That’s how fast goods are moving in this day and age of globalization. Breathe. I won’t lose anything by not buying NOW.
2. Yes, I will last one more day without stocking up on soap! – or toothpaste, or spaghetti, or corned beef. I am so scared of running out of food in the house that I have a tendency to hoard food supply as if Noah’s going to drop by tonight. So, yes, I have a tendency to overdo. Don’t all moms?? (hands on waist) But I found out recently that money in my pocket for at least one more day is better than money in the credit card company’s or the mall’s vaults. Stretch that one day further and that’s more savings. In fact, here’s a very useful tipid tip: stretch the contents of your pantry by being very creative in substituting ingredients instead of rushing to the store when you run out of one or two items in your recipe! (Simotan blues!)
3. One-of-a-kind blouse, shoe or bag? Pure myth! — The design’s so unique, I won’t be able to find this anywhere else, I tell myself. It’s so soft, I want it! The shoes are so ME! How many times have I said this as if I can’t live without the item bagged and clinging to my arm as I exit the shop’s door? Much to my delight after a very successful mantra-repeating exercise that the bags, shoes and clothes I have right right now will do, thank you very much!
4. Trinoma, SM, PowerPlant, Glorietta will still be there tomorrow — if you really want it, if you really need it, it will still be there tomorrow. The mall isn’t going anywhere!
5. I am fabulous the way I am! — Sounds like a narcissist on a self-praising spree? I admit it does, but this helps me focus on a person’s true value. What’s in between the ears and within the rib-cage (mind and heart, ok?) is not diminished or enlarged by clothes, jewelry, shoes, or outward things. So if there’s no budget for it, so what? I am fabulous the way I am.

Do you have some personal mantra you would like to share?

The camera was no longer running yesterday at the ShopTalk set at ABS-CBN and the crew were already clearing up, but Pia Hontiveros, Alvin Tabanag, Randell Tiongson and I were still huddled together. This time, the words were less subdued and (at least for me!) we were less self-conscious (haha).

The subject that kept us engaged in a lively discussion: the pre-need industry’s irresponsible boondoggling through the years that led to its demise and what policyholders can do now.

I have been getting loads and loads of email from people I don’t know, with tones ranging from bellicose cries to resigned acceptance, asking about what to do with their pre-need policies. Let me spell out the answer to their questions in terms no one will misunderstand.

Should people still buy education plans and other pre-need products?

No.

Am I bad person for saying this because this will hurt the industry even more?

Up to you to decide! At the end of the day, consumer protection should be the paramount concern.

Any industry that sells products to individuals (retail) need the confidence of the public to grow and survive. Banks, financial services companies and pre-need firms are especially vulnerable to negative publicity. I am not saying the industry will not recover. I am not a financial prophet. But why risk it?

I’m a pre-need policyholder. What now?

There are three parts in the answer to this question.

First, how rocky is the company you bought from? Rule of thumb in any shakeup in the financial sector: if you aren’t invested in the top three biggest companies with global presence, write it off and err on the conservative side.

Second, assuming that you’re not invested in the top 3, how many years have you been paying? If you are into it one or two years for a five-year policy for example, stop paying and learn from your losses. Learn, not stress about it everyday. It’s not worth the wrinkles.

If you have a couple of months or a year or two to pay, finish paying if you have the extra cash (you don’t have to go hungry just to pay). Then build up your education fund through another financial instrument. Save more aggressively. If the company pays eventually, consider that an extra bonus.

Should I get their early payment offer?

Not a lot of people realize this: the more policyholders get this early payment offer, the more the company will benefit. You can choose to be the guy who allows the other guy to get his full payment, or the other way around.

***

I was a young reporter back in the late 90s covering the financial sector for a major business newspaper and sadly, quite a lot of experts already knew the problem back then. But they didn’t want to be quoted. They didn’t want to “bring down the industry” or “piss off the regulators and industry players.”

I wonder if all those reasons are worth the pre-need policyholders’ pain now.

I got into the taxicab feeling stressed, out of breath, and worried. The to-do list in my mind felt heavier than the bags of school supplies and groceries I was carrying. It was a blah and tiring kind of day.

Then the cabdriver, let’s call him Mang Tonyo, spoke and my day went from blah to amazing.

“Ma’am, meron po kayong mga lumang libro pang high school? (Ma’am, do you have old books for high school students?)” his voice was pleasant enough, but I stiffened, thinking he was going to sell me something.

In Filipino, “po” is an expression of respect, the way “usted” is in Spanish.

“Wala eh, sorry (No, sorry.),” I said, determined not to give additional information that would make him continue the conversation.

“Nagtatanong po kasi ako sa mga pasahero, baka sakali pwede kong mabili ng mura. (You see, I ask my passengers, just in case I can buy secondhand books cheaper),” Mang Tonyo continued. Hmm. My personal finance antenna started beeping.

Mang Tonyo reached for a battered list of books tucked into the car visor. Although Recto (that’s a known for secondhand books) was cheap, this way was even cheaper, he said. In fact, one passenger had already given him an English textbook, refusing payment.

By then, I felt like giving Mang Tonyo any textbook I have in the house, unfortunately, my eldest daughter is in high school herself. From our conversation, I learned that Mang Tonyo’s two daughters are disciplined students: the eldest a scholar in a local college and who graduated salutatorian in high school while the second one is also top in her class, and the school shoulders half her tuition.

At one point in our conversation, I commented that education nowadays has become too expensive. “Buti pa nga po kayo, nakabili na ng notebook at mga gamit. (At least, you already bought notebooks and school things),” he said, as he glanced at my packages.

I felt like the ultimate social klutz. Did my voice sound like I was whining, I wondered. What an insensitive comment.

As I thought about Mang Tonyo, I realized that a common question out there is this: Do I have a chance of getting rich?

With our country being a third world country, social services at a horrendous state, the economy in a constant state of arrested development, and financial literacy very poor, does everybody have an equal chance at aiming for wealth?

I believe Mang Tonyo——and each Filipino-—has a chance. True wealth starts with the word “can.” If there is one thing I have learned as a financial journalist of more than a decade, there are money stories out there from ordinary people (not the Ayalas or Gokongweis or Sys) that show it is possible to dream, work hard, and benefit from good money management.

This blog is all about those money stories. I will share my personal money stories, as well as the stories of those I interview in the course of my work. For you, I will break down what to do and what not to do, so that all of us can break through our personal financial barriers, and reach our dreams. Some of you may have read my previous work at INQUIRER.net’s MoneySmarts. MoneyStories is now my writings’ new home.

Yesterday was Father’s Day. I wish I could have a chance to greet Mang Tonyo a happy Father’s Day. I am confident that he teaches his daughters things about money they will greatly need in life, just by his example.

For you Mang Tonyo:

Keep thinking you can.
Keep working hard.
Develop your simple creativity.

And that goes for all of us.